I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
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