I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
