I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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