Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
