I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just threw up on my dentist
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
