Non-Jews are for practice
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
