you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my being single is dangerous.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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