I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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