my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
