You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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