I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize