He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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