i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
