Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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