I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
