the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
