so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
