it wasn't lemon gatorade
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
