So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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