Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize