Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
