No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
