Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I believe in your delicious
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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