She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
