don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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