At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
