I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
