He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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