Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
