Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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