I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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