I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
