The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize