Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
