1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
