just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
