he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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