FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
