Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
