Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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