at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize