You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
