My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
