a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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