Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
