I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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