I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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