Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
