I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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