Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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