If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
