So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
