I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize