How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
