Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
