I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
