i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
