its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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