Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
