dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
