if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
