Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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