HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
