Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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