It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
