Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
