I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
