The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
