HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
