I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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