and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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