shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
