You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
