All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize