my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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