So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
