I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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