Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
