I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
