Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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