Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
