woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
