He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
