I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
