I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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