Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
