Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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