She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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