Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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