Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize