I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
