The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
