hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
