Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
