every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
