If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm too high and old for this...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
