I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
