I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
