remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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