get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize