he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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