he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
