2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
