if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Randomize
