sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
